~*Relationship Reflection

Wow...reflecting on the relationships in my life. Even to this day, at 34 years old, I will say that I have a tendency to allow people into my life who are not positive influences. I'm not sure if it's because as a teacher I have the urge to help people, or if I have a lower view of myself, but thankfully, I eventually see that I allow these negative relationships to take hold of me and I release them. Sometimes, they release me and it's only in that release that I see it wasn't healthy to begin with. 

My longest friendship started 30 years ago with a girl that lived down the alley from my grandparents, where I spent a majority of my time growing up. Her name is Miranda, and thankfully, we're still friends to this day. We didn't go to high school together, but I ended up going to college a year behind her at the same university. My senior year and the year after she graduated, we moved in together and lived together for 18 months before I moved for my career. We still see each other about once a year, but are trying to make it more often than that. She's always been a friend that I can go months without talking to or sending a message to, but something will spark a memory and we'll message each other and nothing will have changed. A classic timeless friendship, and we are always there for each other. 

Another positive friendship I'm thankful for didn't come until 2010 when I moved to the small town I live in now. My relationship with Heather wasn't a friendship at first, but one of business, as she is the owner of the bar that I worked at on weekends for 7 years. I can't tell you when it happened, but at some point throughout those year, our working relationship turned into a friendship where we're more like sisters, to the point we call each other "sissy" and she and her actual sister have "adopted" me into the family. We don't do everything together, but we always have each other's backs and are there when we need each other. She's taught me so many helpful life lessons and continues to help me with life problems. She's about 8 years older than me and has already lived through a lot in her life. The one thing that I really cherish about her is that she's a "tell-it-like-it-is" kind of woman. 

My next relationship group is a group of amazing women who I don't even all know personally, but they are my rock! It's funny to me that a group on social media (LadyBoss) is a group that pushes me to do more and helps me through more emotionally than I ever thought possible. I adore the friends that I have face-to-face, but this group is the most positive and uplifting group of women who always have my back. The amount of positivity and pep that I thrive on just isn't something most of my friends have. And during this time, virtual relationships are growing more and more. It seems odd and I understand that, but I adore them all. The two women in my picture with me were two random ladies that agreed to split a hotel room with me when we went to our group's LIVE event.

My last relationship group I want to touch on is one I'm still working on. I've been in romantic relationships, but I always seem to date men that "aren't good enough for me." I'm absolutely not stuck up or think I'm better than anyone else, but maybe that's part of my problem. When it really comes down to it, I have exceptionally low self esteem (which is why I thrive on that LadyBoss and the positivity and self empowerment that it provides). When I start dating someone new, he always seems great, and from then on, I tend to overlook any red flags because I tell myself I won't be able to meet anyone else after this. I am again, freshly single after a relationship that wasn't terrible, but he absolutely wasn't the type of man I should be living my life with. When people ask me when I'm going to start dating someone else, I see them scoff when I explain that I need to work on my relationship with myself first. My biological clock is ticking and it terrifies me because I want a family of my own, but in order to find a man who is worthy of my love, my relationship with myself needs to be a lot stronger. In the end, I feel that is the most important relationship.